


Round Robin

by yuma (yuma_writes)



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-31
Updated: 2013-12-31
Packaged: 2018-10-07 04:12:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10352004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuma_writes/pseuds/yuma
Summary: A round robin story...SG-1 style.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Yuma, the archivist: this work was originally archived at [Stargatefan.com](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Stargatefan.com). To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [StargateFan Archive Collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/StargateFan_Archive_Collection).

Round Robin

"Okay, once upon a time, there was a man named-" 

"Jack, I don't think you can start with once upon a time. I mean, the tradition was predated from American folklore and they certainly didn't use that phrase. That was more for fairy tales from the twelfth century." 

"I don't have a problem with that, Daniel. I'm wondering why the colonel must start with a man. Why not a woman?" 

"Is it my turn now?" 

"No, Teal'c, not yet. I hadn't even finished yet." 

"I do not understand. You said this...round robin needs everyone to take a turn talking." 

"Yeah, but it isn't your turn yet." 

"But everyone has spoken." 

"Um...not really, Teal'c. Jack didn't finish yet. We were-" 

"Interrupting." 

"Well...ah...I guess you can say that, Jack." 

"So are you going to continue, sir?" 

"Yeah, Jack. What's taking you so long?" 

"What's taking **me** so long? Oh for crying out loud. When I said let's do a round robin, I figured it would be a good way to past the time until it's time to head back." 

"I still don't see why we can't just go back now, Jack." 

"Because, Daniel. We have to wait for SG-5 to come and take over this observation base here in wonderful P6G390!" 

"Okay...so are you going to continue the story then, Jack?" 

"$ &%$&^(@!" 

"Sir! I hope you're not thinking of starting the story that way!" 

"Argh! Never mind! Once upon a time, there was a **man** named...uh...Jack." 

"Oh, very original, Jack." 

"Daniel." 

"Sorry." 

"Anyway, there was a man named Jack and he was a...ah...a explorer! A very brave explorer...Daniel, I saw that...who wanted to see the world in his trusty ship. Now his ship was a...shit, what kind of ship is it?" 

"Are you asking us, Jack?" 

"No, I'm not! I'm thinking! Ah...okay...it was a...magical ship and it could go anywhere he wanted. So, one day he decided he wanted to go explore the unexplored region of...of...Minnesota!" 

"Minnesota? Really, sir!" 

"Look, wait your turn, Carter. Daniel?" 

"Huh?" 

"Your turn." 

"Oh! Sorry. Um...ooh! Okay! Now Jack wanted to go to Minnesota because he heard of the Chalice of Heliopolis and-" 

"Chalice of what?" 

"Heliopolis, Jack." 

"What the hell is that?" 

"Well, Heliopolis is one of the ancient cities fabled in the creation of the world." 

"Oh...in Minnesota?" 

"Jaack-" 

"Okay! Alright! Please, Doctor Jackson, continue." 

"Well...so, the Chalice of Heliopolis was rumored to be this powerful weapon that could destroy with just a touch-" 

"I don't want Jack looking for that!" 

"Jack, it's just a story." 

"Still!" 

"Sir!" 

"Alright, alright-" 

"Is it my turn now?" 

"No, Teal'c. Not yet. We have to wait for Danny boy to screw up the story." 

"Jack-" 

"Just go!" 

"Okay. Well...Jack got on his...ahem...magical ship and told it to fly to...well...go to...um...Minnesota...look, can't we make it another place, Jack?" 

"What?" 

"I mean, really. Minnesota?" 

"Hey, I started the story, so I get to choose." 

"Sigh...okay, so the magical ship flew to Minnesota. It landed on top of this hill with a very nice view of the land and it looked like a scene out of ancient Rome with their columns and stone walkways that were the exact duplicate of the-" 

"Daniel." 

"Sorry. Anyway, the explorer Jack got off his ship and goes down this hill when he came across this man named...Daniel." 

"Look who's talking originality now." 

" **Ahem** , Jack says hello to Daniel, who was really a nice sort of fellow and asked what he did for a living. Daniel replied that he was a wise man with many great books of knowledge and...Jack, are you alright?" 

"Fine." 

"But...you're making that sound...are you ill?" 

"Daniel, just ignore the colonel. Go on, it's getting interesting." 

"Okay...well, anyway, Jack thought he could use the companionship during his travels through...er...Minnesota and so they walked. Uh...the hills became plains and then the plains became forests, until they come across a castle. Now inside the castle lived the legendary princess who was waiting for her prince." 

"Whoo boy! Guess that's me!" 

"Oh brother." 

"What? Did you say something, Carter?" 

"Huh? Oops...no, I...ah...was wonder where was her...mother!" 

"Oh really?" 

"Um...Sam? Your turn." 

"Thanks. Okay, this princess was waiting for her prince in...Minnesota...for a very long time. The reason she was waiting a long time was because she couldn't find anyone smart enough to match wits with her. When the two men approached her, she was intrigued with the quest they were undertaking and decided to join them in their adventure." 

"Wait a minute, Carter." 

"Yes sir?" 

"An explorer, a wise man, and a...princess?" 

"What? A princess can't go on quests, sir?" 

"Oh no..no...quest away, Carter." 

"Anyway, the chauvinistic explorer Jack-" 

"Hey!" 

"Yes sir?" 

"I'm not...well...oh never mind, Carter! Continue." 

"Jack was doubtful of the princess'...by the way, her name is Sam, abilities. Turns out Sam was a...a...a..." 

"Magician, Sam?" 

"Yes! Thank you, Daniel. Yes, a magician and she could help out very much in their quest. So off they went. After a while, they come across a river. But there was no bridge, so there was no way to cross. Daniel then said that they could build a bridge. And the princess Sam could use her magic to make it strong. Of course, this would have all been easily avoided if **Jack** hadn't left his ship on that hill." 

"Just you wait until it's my turn again, Carter." 

"Ahem...so, Jack went to find some wood, Daniel looked through his books for a recipe to make a bridge and Sam was mixing her magic potions when a huge...rocket landed in front of them!" 

"A rocket?" 

"Well, sir. If you can put them in Minnesota, I can put a rocket there! Teal'c, your turn." 

"Thank you, Captain Carter. The rocket landed in front of Jack the explorer, Daniel the wise man and Sam the princess magician. When it opened, it revealed that the pilot was a rebel named Teal'c. He had escaped the wraith of the false gods and wished to ally himself with the three travelers to find this great weapon. He saw their problem and resolved it by pushing his rocket across the river. Now they can cross the river without any problems." 

"That would work. Good idea, Teal'c." 

"Thank you, Daniel Jackson." 

"The four travelers now went across the river, but before they could reach the other side, a large demon emerges from the waters to grab the princess-" 

"Hey! Why is it the female always gets it?" 

"My apologies. The demon missed the princess and captured Daniel the wise man-" 

"Oh, great." 

"The wise man was very upset in being captured by this demon from the waters and demanded that Jack the explorer to come rescue him." 

"Oh, he demanded, did he? Getting a little pushy, Danny?" 

"Jack, it's only a story." 

"So why were you upset that the big bad demon grabbed you?" 

"I wasn't...upset." 

"Was too." 

"Was not." 

"Was too." 

"Guys! Sir, it's your turn." 

"Great. Heh heh. Well, Jack didn't like the attitude Daniel the wise man was copping him so he decided to let the demon take him to his big smelly cave." 

"Jack!" 

"What?" 

"...Nothing...never mind. Remember, it's my turn after you." 

"Oh...I'm so scared. Ha. Anyway, after some thought, the explorer Jack decided that he would miss the endless yapping the wise man does and that would make the quest boring. So he decided, what the hell, they would go rescue the wise man from the demon. So they tracked the demon down and cornered him at the cave. By alas! It was too late. Danny the wise ass-" 

"Sir!" 

"I mean...wise man, common mistake, Carter...was already devoured by the demon who had a remarkable resemblance to Colonel Maybourne." 

"Very funny, Jack. Well, the cave was very dark so it turned out that the demon **didn't** devour the wise man. It was a mistake. Trick of the light." 

"Nuts." 

"Jack! Well, Sam the magician decided that a demon running around the countryside would be...bad-" 

"No shit." 

"Shh! Sir!" 

"Ahem...would be bad, so Sam waved her...magic rifle at the demon and made him...into a toad, which Teal'c kept in his pocket for safekeeping. The group saved the wise man and they decided to explore the cave. To their surprise, the cave had a temple. Jack decided that they should explore the cave, since he was an explorer and that's what explorers do otherwise his tag would be redundant which wouldn't have been-" 

"Daniel." 

"Oh...yeah...sorry. Anyway, so Jack thought he would explore the temple that was inside this cave. As they went inside, they heard this great roar." 

"My turn. Okay, they heard this great roar that shook the temple. Everyone was running around trying to avoid debris when this big crack opened up under them and Jack fell in!" 

"What the hell?" 

"Exactly! That's what Jack said, sir!" 

"Oh, for crying out loud!" 

"Well, understandably, Jack the explorer was very upset. He had fallen down a long length and couldn't get back up again. At first, the group considered leaving him there-" 

"Hey!" 

"But then they decided that since the quest was his idea, it wouldn't be right to just leave him in that dark, dirty hole filled with snakes." 

"Snakes?" 

"Yes sir. Snakes." 

"Great. I hate snakes." 

"It's just a story, Jack." 

"Yeah, yeah, I know." 

"Anyway. The snakes didn't take a liking to Jack the explorer crashing into their home, so they went to their snake...king and asked for help." 

"...I don't like snakes." 

"We know, Jack." 

"Couldn't you have chosen...hamsters or something?" 

"Hamsters? Oh yeah, Jack. I can see it now. Mutant temple dwelling killer hamsters. Wow. Such terror strikes the hearts of man when these furry creatures emerge from the depths of darkness." 

"Trying to be smart, Danny boy?" 

"Jack?" 

"What?" 

"You're interrupting Sam." 

"Oh...sorry. Please continue, Captain." 

"Thank you. The snake king heard from his entire snake populous and decided to see this explorer for himself. He...uh...walked...no.... He slithered towards Jack the explorer and...Teal'c?" 

"The snake king regarded Jack the explorer as a threat to his kingdom and ordered for the explorer's execution-" 

"Hey!" 

"My apologies. If you wish, I can change the story." 

"No, no! Teal'c, go on with the execution. I'm sure Jack doesn't mind. Right, Sam?" 

"Yeah! Teal'c, execute away. The colonel knows it's only...a...story. Right, sir." 

"%$$ &&*^#@!" 

"Really, Jack." 

"Indeed. The execution was to take place very soon. The other three of the group decided on a plan to distract the snake king and rescue Jack the explorer. When it became dark, Sam the princess approached the snake king and offered to be his mate-" 

"Ewwwww...me, a mate?" 

"It's **only** a story, Carter." 

"My apologies. Perhaps Daniel Jackson should be the mate?" 

" **What**?" 

"Never mind, Teal'c. It's okay. I...er...I mean, Sam the magician can be the...gross...the mate." 

"Thank you. The snake king was very interested in the idea because the magician was as beautiful as she was wise." 

"What a nice thing to say, Teal'c." 

"Don't look too happy, Carter. He did offer you as a mate. 'Sides, it's only a story. Fiction. Made up. Translation- untrue!" 

"Jack!" 

"What? I wasn't talking about you, Daniel! Be glad you weren't offered as a mate here!" 

"..." 

"You are interrupting." 

"Sorry, Teal'c." 

"Sorry." 

"It was Jack's fault." 

"Hey!" 

"...Indeed. The snake king agreed to this and ordered his Jaffa to prepare for a great wedding. As the festivities proceeded, Daniel the wise man and Teal'c sneaked into Jack's cell and released him. They then fired their weapons on the temple, frightening the enemy and able to take Sam the magician away before she became the snake king's mate." 

"Thank God." 

"Don't start relaxing yet, Carter. It's my turn now. Heh heh. Anyway, the team was reunited again and all was happy. They left the cave and headed for the hills where they knew the...what was that called again?" 

"The Chalice of Heliopolis." 

"Yeah, that. Where that thingie was. Anyway, they got to this huge castle building thing and it had the usual stuff...ah.... bad guys...weapon doohickeys...blah, blah, blah. So the group decided they couldn't just barge in there and start demanding to get the Lice of Helicopter-" 

"Chalice of Heliopolis, Jack." 

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. So Jack the explorer had this great idea to have them disguise as a...a...group of traveling salesmen-" 

"Ahem." 

"For crying out loud...alright! Traveling salespeople." 

"What were we selling, Jack?" 

"How the hell should I know? Oh! I know! They were selling you!" 

" **What**?" 

"Sir!" 

"Okay! Okay! Sheesh...they were selling combs, okay?" 

"Combs?" 

"Yeah!" 

"We were selling combs in a secret castle...in Minnesota?" 

"...Uh....yeah...can I finish this, Daniel?" 

"Oh! Sorry." 

"So the group of sales...people were invited inside by the castle people and were told to wait in the mess hall-" 

"Jack, if this is a castle, wouldn't it be a banquet hall?" 

"Daniel!" 

"Okay, okay! Sorry." 

"Anyway, the group was waiting in the **banquet**...there, are you happy?" 

"Thrilled." 

"...Banquet hall and the owner comes in." 

"..." 

"Daniel?" 

"Oh! Sorry. Um...well, the owner comes in and he looked exactly like the demon from the cave, both of which had this eerie resemblance to a Colonel Maybourne. The owner didn't know that his brother had been turned into a toad by Sam the magician and was currently held captive in Teal'c's pocket! Anyway, the owner asked what they were selling and Jack came forward and said that they sell combs, which the owner didn't look too pleased about. You see, the owner's hairline was receding and was beginning to look quite bald and...Jack, are you alright?" 

"Mmph...sorry, that image of us selling combs to balding Maybourne got stuck in my head." 

"I admit the irony is quite humorous, O'Neill." 

"Is that a smile I see on ya, Teal'c?" 

"..." 

"Well...I guess...it is...mmph...a bit funny, Jack. Mmph...where was I? Oh yeah! The owner took great offense with the products they were selling. Enraged, he threw them into the dungeon where he sentenced them to stay until all eternity." 

"That's a long time." 

"Well yes, Jack. Eternity is a long time." 

"Almost as long as sitting in a room with you for an hour, Danny boy." 

"Sir!" 

"What? What? Why are you on my case, Carter?" 

"Sigh...forget about it, Sam. Yes, yes, the group was sent to their cells to stay for a very, very long time. But Sam the magician had an idea on how to get them out and take the Chalice of Heliopolis-" 

"Oh no, don't go offering me as a mate again." 

"Er...actually, that **was** what I was going to do, Sam-" 

"Groan..." 

"Oh! Wait! I have a better idea! It turned out that the owner had a daughter, who couldn't wed because she was so...um...well...unattractive." 

"You mean she looked like a dog, Daniel." 

"Jack!" 

"Sir!" 

"Forget I said anything, okay?" 

"Easy for you to say, Jack." 

"Did you say something...Daniel?" 

"No, no. Anyway, the daughter was unattached so Maybourne was getting quite desperate. Now Sam knew this and asked to speak to the owner in private. She offered to get a...husband for his unattached daughter in exchange for their freedom and the Chalice of Heliopolis. The owner agreed, remember, he was getting quite desperate, and decided that the husband should be Jack!" 

"Hey! I ain't marrying no dog!" 

"It's just a story, sir." 

"Easy for you to say! You don't have a canine for a wife!" 

"This tale is beginning to become confusing." 

"Well, sir. You two could make beautiful puppies together-" 

"I don't want no god damn puppies!" 

"Jack, it's only a-" 

"Your arguing has become distracting, O'Neill." 

"Tell that to wise man over there! He got me making puppies!" 

"Actually, sir. You wouldn't be making puppies. It's always the female doing the work and the man taking the-" 

"Oh great, Carter. Turn this into a gender issue-" 

"Jack, calm down! It's just a story. Besides, it's only a decoy!" 

"A decoy?" 

"Yes, Jack. You don't think I would do that to you in this story, now would I?" 

"Well why the hell didn't you say so in the first place?" 

"You didn't let me finish-" 

"Guys? Can I have my turn yet?" 

"Sorry, Sam." 

"Go ahead, Carter." 

"So the agreement was made and the owner let them go so they could prepare for the wedding-" 

"You sure it's just a decoy?" 

"Yes, sir. It's just a decoy." 

"Okay. Please continue, Captain." 

"Thank you, sir. The night before the wedding, the group crept downstairs to the treasure room to steal the Chalice of Heliopolis. When they got to the room, it turned out that the room was full of traps. There were lasers crisscrossing the room, booby trapped floor panels, a heat sensitive motion detector and-" 

"Okay, okay, Carter! We get the picture! There were a lot of traps!" 

"Why is it the missions are never easy, Jack?" 

"Because I got you, bull-eyes boy here to draw our attention." 

"Very funny, Jack." 

"Besides, this isn't a mission. This is a god damn story, for Pete's sake!" 

"Who is Pete?" 

"Never mind Jack. Just ignore him, Teal'c." 

"I can not. He has become quite vocal." 

"What the hell is that suppose to mean?" 

"Ahem...there was no way for the team to just walk right in and take the...Chalice. But then, Daniel the wise man noticed this strange lettering on the walls." 

"Daniel the wise man was very knowledgeable about many languages so he decided to translate them. It was revealed that the room had a secret spell cast over by the owner's brother. It was unfortunate, however, because the spellcaster was now presently a toad." 

"Well, Jack was pretty pissed. I mean, for God's sakes, he flew all the way to Minnesota to get this thing and he couldn't get through because the password was with the toad! But then, he remembered this old legend. If a princess were to kiss the toad, it would change back into his human form. So Jack turned to Sam and-" 

"No way am I kissing a toad!" 

"Come on. He's the only one who can reserved the spell and lift those traps, Carter." 

"No, no! First I get offered as a mate, then you want me to kiss an amphibian? No...way!" 

"Well, Sam, maybe if you close your eyes before you-" 

" **You** kiss the toad, Daniel." 

"Um...that's alright...it's okay." 

"You kiss the toad, sir!" 

"I could order you to kiss the toad, Carter!" 

"You're only an explorer in this story!" 

"Oh yeah? Well, I can promote myself to a goddamn General right now!" 

"Hah...I still wouldn't kiss a toad!" 

"Look, if you don't kiss the toad, we're never going to get that goddamn doohickey and then I'll have to stick around and have puppies!" 

"Puppies are quite cute, sir-" 

"I ain't having no puppies!" 

"Argh, we're going nowhere with this. Let me take over here, Jack." 

"Be my guest. But remember, Daniel-" 

"No puppies. I know, I know. Okay, Jack proposed this...kissing idea but it was turned down. It wouldn't have worked anyway, though-" 

"Why the hell not?" 

"Well, Jack...the toad was dead." 

"What?" 

"Well, you see, the toad was stuck in Teal'c's pockets for so long, it suffocated and died so kissing it would only bring back a dead corpse which would have been very...um...not good." 

"I nearly kissed a corpse?" 

"But you didn't, Sam." 

"Thank god for that." 

"Anyway, it was a shame, though because the toad was dead. Then Teal'c had this great idea-" 

"I did?" 

"Yes, Teal'c. It was a really good idea." 

"...Indeed. What was it?" 

"Well, um...I was getting to that." 

"Ah! My apologies, Daniel Jackson." 

"It's alright, Teal'c. I mean this round robin stuff is pretty con-" 

"For crying out loud, will you get on with the story?" 

"You know, Jack, that is the fourth time you said that-" 

"Daniel!" 

"Okay! Okay! So Teal'c had this great idea. He took out this staff and the dead toad. He struck the toad, which flew into the lasers, which blasted at the toad, which then hit the floor and triggered all the booby traps, and then crashed into the motion detectors, blocking the sensors so it wouldn't detect any more movement." 

"...Wow. Yeah, that would work." 

"See, Sam? No frog kissing." 

"Thank you, Daniel. The room was now cleared and the team could leisurely go in and take the Chalice. As they went in the room, Daniel the wise man, in all his eagerness, ran ahead and started to reach out to grab the Chalice-" 

"Shit! Wait, Carter!" 

"Yes, sir?" 

"Not a good idea. Remember?" 

"Huh?" 

"Sigh... powerful weapon that could destroy with just a touch? Remember?" 

"Oops." 

"Yikes, I forgot about that, Jack." 

"Yeah, it's just like you to forget about danger, Danny boy." 

"It would have been most distressing if Daniel the wise man was to touch the Chalice of Heliopolis." 

"...Yeah...most distressing, Teal'c. Carter, I...wouldn't recommend Danny touching it." 

"Oh no, definitely not, sir. Hmm...okay, in his haste, Daniel the wise man ran towards the Chalice, but turns out the...ah...toad...had not found all the traps. A trap door just before the Chalice, opened up and Daniel fell right in." 

"Oh great. Out of the frying pan and into the fire." 

"Sorry, Daniel." 

"Well, I guess it's better than total annihilation." 

"Yeah...well, the rest of the group was pretty surprised by the turn of events-" 

"Not as surprised as me." 

"Daniel." 

"Sorry." 

"And it was pretty clear that they had to move fast to rescue the wise man and leave before the owner realized that he had been tricked." 

"Yeah, hurry it up alright before I get married off to a-" 

"Sir." 

"Heh heh. Sorry, Captain." 

"Um hum...Jack the explorer grabbed a rope and climbed down to help Daniel the wise man, who was unconscious-" 

" **What**?" 

"Daniel, you dropped down a ten foot deep pit." 

"I did?" 

"Yes, you did." 

"Oh...ow." 

"Daniel, if you keep interrupting Carter, **I'm** going to drop you down a ten foot deep hole!" 

"Sorry." 

"#@^#^$$#!" 

"Sigh... **anyway** , Jack the explorer climbed down to help the wise man. By then, the wise man was awake and alert so the two men could climb back up to the top. But then-" 

"The owner of the castle had discovered that his Chalice was in danger. He sent his Jaffa in to surround the group. There were many Jaffa threatening them. Jack the explorer turned to his friends and said-" 

"That this really sucks. Well, Jack wasn't about to die in Minnesota! So he grabbed the Chalice and said that if they wanted it, they could have it and tossed it over. The Jaffa instinctively caught it and poof! No more Jaffa. A really cool weapon, I have to admit now that I think it over-" 

"Uh...Jack?" 

"Sigh...yes, Daniel?" 

"So you grabbed the...Chalice?" 

"Yeees?" 

"With your hands?" 

"Yeah? So?" 

"With your hands? You touched the Chalice?" 

"Yeah, so what? I mean it's so...oh, shit. I forgot." 

"...Powerful weapon that could destroy with just a touch? Really, Jack!" 

"Big oops, sir." 

"Most regrettably mistake." 

"Okay! It's okay! I...er...I mean, Jack the explorer had...had...magic gloves on!" 

"Magic...gloves?" 

"Yeah. Protects the wearer from all types of shit." 

"Well, I wish you told us sooner Jack, because you scared the willies out of us." 

"Really, Danny?" 

"Not me, sir." 

"Quiet, Carter. Anyway, luckily, Jack had on these...ahem...magic gloves on to protect him. So the problem of carrying this thing out was resolved-" 

"That's a good point, Jack. I forgot how we were going to get that thing out." 

"Daniel...sigh...never mind...so they got the Chalice and all was great. No one would come near them because of that thing so the group was able to walk out of there safely." 

"Um...okay, the team was safe or so they thought-" 

"Wait a minute-" 

"Little did they know however, was that the owner's daughter had found out Jack was leaving and was distraught-" 

"Now hold on a sec-" 

"So she took her best horse and rode out to catch him-" 

"Daniel-" 

"She caught on pretty fast enough and with her special lasso, she caught Jack...er...the explorer and dragged him back to the castle." 

"Hey! That wasn't part of the story!" 

"Jack, this is a round robin. You said we could make up whatever we wished when it was our turn-" 

"Oh yeah? Well, the daughter had started back for the castle but then she got a good look at Danny the wise man-" 

"Jack, it's not your turn yet. It's Sam's-" 

"And fell head over heels in love with him. She let go of Jack, knowing that it wasn't meant to be and lassoes Danny instead!" 

"Oh yeah! Well, Daniel the wise man didn't **want** to be this girl's husband so he tells her that Teal'c would be a much better choice-" 

"I already have a mate." 

"Okay...but Teal'c graciously turned her down. So there was really no choice left but Jack the explorer-" 

"But she didn't have that choice either because Jack the explorer, during all this trading, tied her up to that tree over there!" 

"You can't do that, Jack! She's just a girl!" 

"Oh yeah? Quit shoving her over to me!" 

"Uh guys?" 

"I'm not shoving her to you. I'm just progressing the story along-" 

"Progressing? You brought it back to the stone age!" 

"Guys?" 

"Stone age? That does it! Daniel the wise man got sick and tired of Jack the explorer's obtuse-" 

"Obtuse?" 

"...Behavior so Daniel used a spell to call up a dog to bite him in the ass!" 

" **What?** Why you- I thought you were just a wise man!" 

"Sir...Daniel..." 

"Daniel Jackson, please desist..." 

"I'm a wise man with an attitude right now!" 

"Yeah? Jack the explorer decided to do a little magic of his own and got an anvil to land on Danny boy here!" 

"You can't do that!" 

"I can make us go to Minnesota! I can call a goddamn anvil!" 

"This isn't a cartoon here!" 

"Really? It's beginning to feel like a big joke here to me!" 

"Daniel, calm down...sir, I think..." 

"A joke? Well, Daniel the wise man here takes out this cream pie and smack him in the face, then!" 

"Oh...real good, Danny. Jack the explorer takes out his gun and-" 

"Sir!" 

"...Shoots that bird that was flying above them and it lands on Danny's head!" 

"That's so cruel! You just killed a bird for your menial purposes!" 

"Jack also takes Danny and tosses him in the river!" 

"There's no river! Daniel the wise man was able to twist his body around and grab Jack instead and tosses him into the moat!" 

" **What**? Jack climbs back up from the moat and now tosses Daniel in!" 

"Guys! Cool off! It's just a story-" 

"Daniel the wise man punches Jack the explorer in the face-" 

"But Jack cleverly ducks, a skill Danny the wise ass hasn't learned to do yet!" 

"Guys! Teal'c! Do something!" 

"Very well." 

"Yikes!" 

"Shit! Ah! Cold! Cold!" 

"Teal'c! That's not what I meant!" 

"I do not understand. You wanted them to...cool off." 

"But that cooler still had ice-" 

"Brrr...you okay, Danny." 

"Achoo." 

"Ah crap." 

"Sorry, guys." 

"No, no. I'm sorry." 

"I'm sorry, too, Jack." 

"How about I end this story, sir?" 

"Go right ahead. Here's a towel, Danny." 

"Brrr...thanks, Jack." 

"Sigh...the two men made up, realizing that all this arguing would never be anything but bad. They shook hands and promised to calm down next time and Sam the magician promised to remember to watch what she says to Teal'c the warrior. Then they took the Chalice back to Sam's castle where they displayed it for everyone to see. The four made a tidy profit from the showing and they retired happily ever after. The end." 

"Good ending, Sam." 

"Thank you." 

"A most gratifying conclusion." 

"Thanks, Teal'c." 

"Next time I'm just gonna bring a book." 

**The End *eg***

  


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>   
>  © 1999 The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp.  
> The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa'uld and all other characters  
> who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names,   
> titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television,   
> Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd.   
> Partnership.  
> This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and   
> solely meant for entertainment.   
> All other characters, the story idea and the story itself   
> are the sole property of the author.   
> 

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##### Dedicated to all those who ever participated in a Round Robin story. *eg* This was suppose to be a short fic, but those four just ran away with the story.

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